Evil Plastic Santa: Letter to the Editor # 3: Faux Rumors of Fortunatai by Gary H.

Dear Letter to the Editor,
A mass of rumors, to many in quantity to be listed; of horribly false stories - that are both untrue and silly - have recently been propagated by the "Medias fortunatai". The story that I, the constable of Educational Masteries, has found himself on the wrong end of a scandal - involving: Canadian bacon, a spatula, four oil drums filled with petroleum jelly and a computer generated tiger - is a ridiculous notion that is only worth mention because of the general aptitude of silliness. How anyone could take these allegations seriously is a fowl reminder of the declining intellectual capacities of the fortunate’s themselves. I hope that the issue resolves itself with as little input and action, on my part, as possible. I most desire a haste remedy to this problem. Shadows and dust shall the faux truth of Medias fortunatai go away without incident. To shadow, ash and dust they shall become and a bid good day to your, sir.

Sincerely

The Educational Minister of Scabocadoo.


Dear Mr. Scabocadoo,
I'm sorry to hear that a stable of false rumors has been made your sad lot in life but here's a thought: What are you talking about? What's a fortunatai? I don't even know how to pronounce that. Is it Dutch? Are you French? Are you a Frenchie, huh? Do you like Crepe's? Croissants? The only thing faux around you is your disposition. Now I have to consult a thesaurus just to make sure I used the word in the right context. Thanks a lot.

Sincerely
Letter to the Editor