Evil Plastic Santa: Letter to the Editor # 2 - Love and Razorblades: An EMO Letter and Response by Gary H.

Dear “Letter to the Editor”,

This Letter, to you the editor, will definitely be the highlight of my otherwise unmeaningful day and existence of Goth and EMO related hijinks and humbuggery. It’s all down hill from here…I can assure you. But don’t worry; I did bring a golden parachute of “emotional love” and if I wish hard enough and visit my cave of self healing power just hard enough, while freefalling down the sky diving of love, I might have just enough well wishing to open the chute. If not I hope the epitaph my friend will write me will be very funny. Why have just another boring tombstone when it can be funny. I’d hate for my tombstone to be just another boring piece of marble, conveying one of Twenty-five old drawn out tired Cliques that really annoy me. The epitaph has to be funny as hell to really stomp the perceptions of the non conformists, which I’m not one.

Love and Razor Blades,

The EMO: Doug Reinfield.

Response:

Dear Loser, I mean…Sir (or emasculated man that should be referred to as Ma’am),

That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Than again I must have not heard that many things before. Cause, in my mind, if that’s the saddest thing I’ve heard, than that onto itself, is even sadder. Oh, Gothy McGothstein - that’s entertainment. You are one of twenty-five cliques – but I’m sure you already knew that. Just a question epitaph, boy? Do you want my heart too? Don’t worry if you don’t think there will enough room for it. I think I have some space on the bottom of my shoe. Of all the things to ‘talk’ about this certainly doesn’t make the list. Stop wasting my time with this dribble. Normally I don’t respond to the letters, I just throw them into my fireplace and say: “Burn, baby, burn”, as I drink fine wine and eat exotic cheeses, but for some reason you’re letter just wouldn’t burn. It’s as you put some kind of EMO curse on this letter forever preventing it from burning. So, acknowledging futility and having an overwhelming desire to eat fine wines and delicious cheeses with the letter burning has a way of creating a psuedo-sensual mood of paper burnering, I have decided to respond to your letter and demand that you undo your EMO curse, so that I may burn it and immerse myself in the wonderful aroma of burning EMO ink and paper. Can you do that for me, Doug? Can you undo your dumb curse, please? Or do I have to karate chop your face? It's your choice, Doug. It's your choice.

With Great Antipathy,
Julian Malarky
"Letter to the Editor"