Evil Plastic Santa: The Salamander with a Goatee by Gary H.

There was a salamander who had a goatee. He shaved it off, joined the army, was shipped off to Greenland, left the army, met a girl named Allysa, and they eventually had a family, they paid their taxes and lead an otherwise ordinary life where he sold various products starting with the letters: 'G' and 'D'. End of story. Disappointed. You should be. It's a very lame story. If you found the story interesting you should give yourself a good flogging. If you didn't, give yourself a pat on the back...or a flogging if you're into that sort of thing. If you believe any word of this story, a flogging just won't suffice. You will need something a little more poetic. I hear maces are good, especially as a christmas decor that screams good taste, Assuming you're not on the recieving end of this fashionable medieval weaponry (of course). If, however, you want more of the Salamander Chronciles, well then there is one story you might find interesting. One night, many years ago, while the Salamander's wife was pregnant with, who would be their second son child Justin. The Salamander was awoken by a spectral image of a white clothed man, and next to him was another Salamander. A Salamander that looked just like our Salamander but a much older Salamander. He could have been the guy's grandfather. Our friend the Saladamander demands an explaination: Who are you people? and the spectral figure cries out: "I am a ghost from an alternate future come to show you, yourself from the future, I mean show the future you, this version of you. What would happen if you shaved the beard off and joined the army?" The Salamander in the "past" say's: "So, what does he think?" and the old, alternate future Salamander say's: "I should keep the goatee!"

End of Story. End of Blog.